Going Hard & Climaxing On Assignment

Here is me going hard on an assignment. This is one of the climatic moments of my performance.

Free Online Lit Mixtape

Here are some things authors have published online in different forms. I don't think any of the authors had published books at the time of publishing these things (or these things seemed published very early in their career to me). All these authors have published books since.

I wrote a little tid-bit about each one.

I classified the books into [things]. I made up a rule to only have one of each classification. I put 'e-' in each classification. I also made it a rule I had to think, "I don't think any of the authors had published books at the time of publishing these things (or these things seemed published very early in their career to me)"

I think I 'discovered' all these things because each of these authors has talked about one of the other authors somewhere online.

It's like a mixtape so I called it a mixtape. (The word mixtape seems good)

"I don't think any of the authors had published books at the time of publishing these things (or these things seemed published very early in their career to me) mixtape":

Eat When You Feel Sad by Zachary German [e-book] - This was eventually expanded into a 'feature length' novel. I read somewhere it was 'discovered' by the publisher who then approached the author about publishing it.

Bernhard Goetz by Sam Pink [e-chap book] - I'm afraid Sam Pink will come to my house and beat me up or something if I keep mentioning him in blog posts.

Pinky Promise Me This by Anna Carrete [poetry e-book] - Unable to sleep, I read this at ~5:00 a.m. and emailed the author immediately after reading saying it was "so damn sweet" and that I felt "insane" sending the email.

Class by Noah Cicero [e-non-fiction] - This seems long. It mentions Lynyrd Skynyrd and 50 Cent.

Richie by Tao Lin [e-short story] - This is part of a e-short story collection called Today The Sky is Blue and White with Bright Blue Spots and a Small Pale Moon and I Will Destroy Our Relationship Today.

Imagining the Future Usually Sucks. Or I Don't Know.

Wrote 'mock professional query letter' for class assignment. 

'Making up' a novel/writer, in a way that you imagine your future self being that writer and having written the novel seems... [something]. I don't know. I think I would be interested in reading this novel based on my 'sell.' 

Sometimes I think, "I want to write things I want to read. Let other people write things I want to read." as one sentence and feel confused. Seems, to make writing decisions, I view myself as trying to write something I want to read. 

I felt surprised I seemed to be genuinely interested in the novels 'pitched' by other students in my group. Felt like an 'asshole' for feeling 'surprised.' 

I chose Civil Coping Mechanisms because they published a book I had read and liked and a book I feel excited about reading in the future. Other publishers of things I like aren't open to submissions or don't seem as 'currently active' in things I'm interested in as CCM.

Sam Pink Interview

I first read Sam Pink related things ~1-2 years ago, I think it was this interview. I copy and pasted 'Sam Pink' and searched for things on the internet. I recommend copying and pasting 'Sam Pink' and perusing the videos, interviews, arts, and writings.

I then purchased the novel Person, and read it in two 'sittings' on consecutive days.

While reading Sam Pink's writings, I have laughed out loud while alone more than when reading any other writings.

Info re his published books is available on his blog: CROWN YOURSELF THEN KILL YOURSELF.

Sam Pink recently went on a book tour, released four songs with Kelly Schirmann, and gave up.

The collection of songs is titled "You Ruined It" by Young Family. Sometimes while listening to these songs I think "literary" with ~0%-5% sarcasm while kind of dancing and feeling emotional. Other times I have listened to it prefunking before social things and felt neat.

The following interview was conducted in one communication. I sent Sam Pink an email asking if I could interview him and included these questions. He replied via email.

If someone held a loaded gun to your head and said "Describe your view of yourself in high school!" what do you think you might say?

I’d ask him/her to kill me with the gun.    

Have you ever been in a physical fight and 'lost'? Have you ever 'won' a physical fight? 

Jesus luh you no matter what. 

Do you vote/have you voted in government elections?

I have not voted. 

If you, Mitt Romney, and Barack Obama found yourselves sitting in a room together for no apparent reason and unsure/unconcerned with the events that led you to being in this room together (like your having a dream or something) what are some things you think might be said by you or them?  

If I was sad, I wouldn’t say anything except for hello.  If I was in a weird mood, I would just keep saying, “[something] head”  like: “skittle head”  “jizz head”  “call me quesadilla head”  [other things], then laugh. 

When playing with Pogs, do you have any unique techniques? If you found someone to play Pogs with you again would you stop writing? Re this http://hobart.typepad.com/hobart/2009/03/sam-pink-is-the-dictator-an-interview-with-sam-pink.html.

My experience with pogs was that I didn’t like it but I wanted this bronze looking mortal kombat slammer so I cut this old lady’s lawn and bought the slammer and didn’t really do anything with it but carry it around.  It had the mortal kombat dragon on it.  It was six dollars.  

When do you feel you first 'got serious' about writing/art? Or, if you didn't 'got serious,' when did you first start seeking publication/distribution of your writing/art?

Not sure.  I was writing things like the short things from “clone” years before clone came out.  And when I found out about online writing I’d send them out and everyone was like “these aren’t stories they’re just scenes.”  So I read some of the magazines I was sending things to, and it seemed like they all wanted things about families/being a man/you know, so I’d copy and paste stories from their websites together and submit them.  And a few got accepted and I was like “no don’t publish that” but they did anyway.  Then I started a blog and people started asking for writing.  Cookie head, muscle head.  Ninja turtle head.      

What was your contribution to the band "Young Family" with Kelly Schirmann? Did you write lyrics, play instruments, or like what? What was the 'collaborative process' of creating music with Kelly like? Re this http://youngfamily.bandcamp.com/.

I made all the music and mixed everything.  Kelly did the vocals and wrote the lyrics too.  The collaborative process was me making a song that I judged by whether or not I did dance moves to it.  Then I’d send it to Kelly.  She recorded the vocals into her computer without a microphone.  Then I’d mix it all together.   I feel very good about working with Kelly.  Kelly dance head.  We’re making another ep, called “king cobra.”  

What are some thoughts you have, if any, when you look at the words 'Bellingham, Washington'?

I have vague thoughts about wanting to live somewhere in washington, like in a forest.  I imagine myself waking up alone in a small house and standing outside in a robe drinking coffee then firing off a shotgun into the air numerous times to begin my day, then going inside and sitting on the floor drawing pictures while mumbling “titty head”  and “super Nintendo head.” 

What are some thoughts you have, if any, when you look at these words 'rich, privileged, people, art, money, sex, phony, jesus'?

Seems like the title for a “post punk” (or whatever) band from roughly three to four years ago. 

What foods have you been eating a lot of recently?

A steady diet of imaginary shit. 

Are there any movies/music/media other than books that has been released recently that you recommend or feel excited about?

Lately the only thing that seems genuinely exciting is staying up all night and playing a “resident evil” game.  I don’t have any videogames or a videogame system but I really want to play resident evil.  Do they still make resident evil games.  I’d like to play one with a room full of people who just listen to me play/make comments about the game.    

Sometimes in English classes the question "What is the point?" or "What is the cultural significance?" gets asked. What might your response to these questions be regarding your writing?

Other people seem way better than me at answering this.  So I’m going to not say anything.  Muppet head. Barbecue baby head.     

When writing or editing, have you had friends that help you edit/interact with the material directly or is the creation of your art/writing usually a completely solo thing?

No.  Cameron Pierce (editor at lazy fascist) will be like “hey, you used a hyphen in the first instance of ‘ugly-retarded asswipe’ then not in the second instance.  I think  I like the hyphen.”   Other than things like that, it’s just me reading the work over and over until there’s nothing I would change.  Sometimes I’ll read something newer at a reading and that helps me see the dumb shit in the work because right before I read each sentence I’ll think “this one’s good, this one’s not.” 

When I think 'Sam Pink,' or maybe 'Sam Pink's Persona' -- or maybe something like 'The Surface of Sam Pink'-- I sometimes see it relating to people I don't really like, for example people who make rude comments in a sadistic way, or sort of like the tattoo artists you mentioned in an interview where you said, "but the guys have some kind of weird ego thing like, “i can draw a fucking skull with a snake in it, i’m awesome,”" or you frequently mention how people say things about how you seem scary and unapproachable but are so nice once you are approached. I, and I think most others who have read your work agree to a degree, don't see any of this 'meanness' or 'phoniness' I see in these other people in you or your work. It seems people often say there is a 'humanness' or something to your work. Do you have any thoughts about why you maybe seem so 'human' or 'honest' or 'authentic' to many people? ...'How do you keep it real Sam?' is maybe what I'm getting at with this question.  

Keeping it real means hating yourself.  I’m serious.  I’m not trying to be a dramatic teenager.  It’s so important not to overly like yourself.  Try to look at yourself like another object happening, only showing prejudice when it happens naturally and without sole interest in protecting yourself, a person you don’t even necessarily like.  If you constantly supervise yourself and judge yourself, you’ll most likely avoid “unreal/phony” situations.  Now I’ll comment on the “unapproachable” thing.  If people approach me because they want to talk about my writing/books or whatever, I feel it’s impolite not to.  I let people approach me because they make me feel honored by respecting me and talking to me about writing, which is personal.  I don’t want to be a disrespectful person to someone.  I think maybe people think the writing is human because it doesn’t shy away from saying things like “ I want to murder everyone in Chicago.”  Actually I don’t have opinions on what “human” means.   

How did you first become involved with Muumuu House or writers affiliated with Muumuu House? Seems, from what I've read regarding you, you probably met Tao Lin or Noah Cicero through one of you liking each others writing, is that somewhat true? Seems true... seems true... What was becoming involved in this 'scene' like for you?

The general answer is that it’s been someone liking my writing/me liking theirs and then we email and meet each other and become friends.  I’d say that the people who are identified with muumuu house have been the nicest/most polite/interesting/friendly/compatible people I’ve met, aside from a few other people.  I feel really uncomfortable around people usually, like an itch almost.  But I’ve met some very lovely people. 

Do you ever notice yourself thinking 'I'm not doing enough' and feel confused about what enough would be?

Yes.  I get uncomfortable when I’m not doing something.  But then again, no one needs me here/doing anything. Jigsaw head man.  Pebble head.  Brontosaurus head. 

Do you have any recommendations/suggestions/tid-bits for young writers who want to pursue writing/art?  

Just make things you like and then whatever happens happens.  You won’t feel validated getting published anywhere/making money/anything other than making something you can read and like, or at least like having written.  Haunted grave.  Haunted grave and Jizz Head fight the holy war.  Holy head.  Skittle head.     

What is the bottom line?

The bottom line is:  In chi-town, you in my-town, it’s kill or die motherfucker, kill or die.

I want to replace my teeth wif gold ones

Tooth pain/taking my tooth out/whatever the dentist-people do seems to be what my brain will be focusing on for the next few days/last couple days.

Went to the health center while feeling very confused and in pain, couldn't understand what people were saying to me. After looking at me a while, they called a taxi to take me to the dentist.

When the taxi pulled up to the curb I opened the door and asked if he was picking up the guy going to the dentist. "I don't know where you're going," he said. I said, "Ok," and stood there in front of the open door, looking down the road hoping to see my taxi coming soon. 

The guy in the taxi was looking at a sheet with 'intense' serious eyebrows. He extended his arm out the open door and said "Here." I said, "I'm waiting for a taxi to take me to the dentist. I don't know what you're doing." 

At the dentist they referred me to people to call to fix my tooth. They seemed 'really nice' to me and sometimes made confused facial expressions. I kept thinking about a sheet they had given me earlier where I marked something that said I had emotional problems and was severely afraid of the dentist and my nickname was 'juicy.' I told a nurse I was just joking on the sheet. She said, "What?" and I said never mind. 

David Lynch Is Neat

Currently considering changing my blog title and description to: American College Language Student Blog - "Four years of earnestly & severely misunderstood assignments."

Been reading Lynch on Lynch.

Laughed out loud in library due to this:

I like how David Lynch doesn't seem pretentious or try to suggest he's 'extraordinary.' Seems 'humble.'

I remember the first time I heard David Lynch talk in some interview I found on YouTube  His voice was not at all what I expected; he has an excitement to his voice and chooses 'modest' words I thought. I noticed this in the book, he's always laughing and saying things with exclamation points! I liked that!

Here are some of the quotes I marked (all in response to an interviewer who's text I didn't include):

"These are good organizations, but somewhere along the line they became so not cool that it wasn't funny! And it became so not cool during the years that I was in the boy scouts! So it was almost like an embarrassment, and a shameful sort of thing. It just wasn't hip. And an eagle scout is the top! I became one so I could quit, and put it behind me. And my father, bless his heart, used to say, 'One day, you'll be proud that you did that.' So I put it on my resume!"

"An accurate memory of the past would be depressing, probably."

"I'd like to bite my paintings, but I can't because there's lead in the paint. Which means I'm kind of chicken. I don't feel I've really gotten in there yet, and the paintings still seem safe and tranquil to me."

"We all find this book of riddles and it's just what's going on. And you can figure them out. The problem is, you figure them out inside yourself, and even if you told somebody, they wouldn't believe you or understand it in the same way you do. You'd suddenly realize that the communication wasn't 100 per cent."

"That's not crazy! Get real, Chris!" [Re Werner Herzog threatening to shoot people on set]

"There's something very disturbing about that amount of electricity -- they know these things now. A tumour grows in the head. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not, you know, whacking you."

"And in the middle of this thing the man stood up and screamed: 'PEOPLE DON'T ACT LIKE THAT! PEOPLE DON'T TALK LIKE THAT! THIS IS BULLSHIT!' And out he went. But, like, really upset. And Ron, the projectionist upstairs, heard this and everybody was just looking at each other. So I thought, 'Man!', you know, 'This is gonna be really difficult."

"But your going to turn the radio on! Failure's the only solution!"

"What's scary is when someone gets your number and they seem to know you, whether it's imagined or real."


Watched Mulholland Dr. a couple nights ago. Watched some with roommates, some alone. I kept saying "The thing on her head... it's... I want it to go away... or be acknowledged," or something about the visible wound on a characters head.

Seems I've previously chosen to watch other movies of his because I didn't know how to pronounce 'Mulholland' and didn't know if the 'Dr.' meant 'drive' or 'doctor.'

Had 'shit-tons' of thoughts, emotions, ideas, and felt less lonely while feeling 'severely alone' while watching this movie.

I liked this movie and all the other David Lynch things I've seen.

Interview Profile Editing Publishing

In editing and publishing class we interviewed each other with the intention to use our answers to help write a 'personal profile.'

I like the things the person I interviewed said and thought 'I feel energetic and excited' during the interview.

"What stories or issues you feel your generation need to bring out and make the public aware?" is the only question the instructor said we 'needed' to ask each other.

My three person group (we were the only three person group, I think) discussed this question a little bit after our interviews.

Someone talked about how they felt dislike for the word 'generation.' There was talk about this.

Some notable things to me from group talk:

"I feel aversion to the word 'generation' or 'generation defining' writing. It seems like there will always be people that feel misrepresented by their 'generation'. For example, it is a 'stereotype' that Irish people have loved getting drunk, going to pubs, eating potatoes, throughout history. But it seems likely, even obvious, that many Irish people didn't like those things. Feel like I can only say 'generation' with some degree of sarcasm."

"Some things that seem 'important' are related to the internet and digital stuff. In terms of communication, I think its making it 'difficult' to interact in 'authentic' ways. People, including me, explore things that 'interest' them using computers, video games, music, or whatever media and get deep into this world of things that 'interests' them, but they are so deep in their 'own world' it becomes difficult to experience these things with others. There seems to be a real problem with loneliness in our generation. But I also think that's probably always been a problem to every generation."

"I also don't think this is just digital stuff, the same problems could be applied to sports or something. Look at how much information is available now regarding sports. Seems people are confused about all the information available to them. Maybe that relates to the internet. I don't know."

There were other things said re loneliness that also seemed notable that I can't remember currently.

Here are some books I think either the author or other people have said 'define my generation' that interest me currently:

Person, by Sam Pink

Richard Yates, by Tao Lin

Best Behavior, by Noah Cicero

Selected Unpublished Blog Posts of a Mexican Panda Express Employee, by Megan Boyle

Fiction Seminar First Day

When we introduced ourselves at the beginning of class we said a tid-bit re names, hometown, and what we want to do with our writing.

The first three people seemed to ignore saying the part about what they wanted to do with their writing, and it seemed it might continue this way around the room. The instructor noticed and changed this. The first person said 'I want to improve my writing.'

I said 'improve my writing.' Then thought, 'I want to say "That's probably inaccurate."'

What do you want to do with writing.

Teacher asked this after writing the 'major periods of literature' on the board later.
Asked us to relate it to one of the 'major periods of literature' or what one we relate to most.

I wrote really fast and 'sloppily'. Noticed the people on both sides of me had written about 3x as much in neat print. We were probably only given ~10 mins at the end of class. Could have been anywhere from 10 mins to 1 hour. ~22% likely it was an hour. ~50%-70% it was longer than an hour. I don't know.

When we were asked to turn them in, I wrote a note apologizing for the

Felt weird writing on paper instead of computer. Editing and deleting seems difficult on paper. Thought, 'seems funny that I'm having trouble writing down a goal when i can't edit and change it.'

Instructor recomended we could 'think of ourselves as a character, maybe write in third person.' seemed to also say  'this is very informal, just do it quickly.' Unsure if she actually said that. Probably didn't.

I wrote in third person. I wrote stuff. Of the things on the board, I felt I had the most 'attraction' towards 'existentialism', followed by 'surrealism' 'realism' and 'post-modernism.' While writing, I based my view of these things on the small discussion we had in class about them and, to a lesser degree, my previous knowledge/was attracted to things artists I like have been associated with.

I have often felt some kind of aversion to answering the question 'what do I want to do with my writing.'

Feel aversion to the word 'want.'

Currently feeling aversion to the word 'aversion.'

'I want to have a better response to this question,' seems almost sarcastic.

I will probably think about this question more in the future a lot while writing.

Been feeling attracted towards the word 'honesty' like a girl I like that doesn't like me or something.